Peaceful

What I do know is that I do not know.

My path does not already exist, it comes into existence moment by moment and at the same time, it drops away.

My father passed away very peacefully early yesterday morning.

He always always gave me unconditional support and love.
never criticized me, taught me how to drive.

I've written about him many times over the years.  Here is the first time.
I shared  his mantra here.
For more about him, and our relationshiop, click on the dad link in the side bar.

I am feeling something but can't quite name it.   I suppose it is grief.

May 14 1923 - July 17 2017 

 Paul Elmer Johnson

full obituary here

primordial faith

phenomenology is not a theory, it is a practice

have 'primordial faith' (merleau ponty)

have faith in my own perceptual experience

perceiving is not theoretical

this is just how it is

this is just how I experience it

a primordial dimension of experience

phenomenology does not replace everything that has gone before

it just tests it

phenomenology is lived experience

not denying anything

just clarifying

believing in the world

including myself in the world

sensuous

not forgetting

letting my heart break

things keep happening

sometimes it is confusing

whenever I don't know what to do

I look at the sky

it is accessible all the time

opening the door

 Trinity came back from exhibition in Vancouver and I was able to touch it again.

(now when i don't know what to do next

taking space between thoughts

pausing,

looking at the sky a lot )

I needed to re-place the velcro strip
and re-mount the textile on it's supporting board,
and then return it to the local church's pulpit.

(just being present

and having self confidence

even while not knowing)

In the book, MY RELIGION, Leo Tolstoy implies that whatever happens in a violent revolution, there will also be an inner and hidden revolution in the people, out of which a new religion will be born which  will have the same effect of making life possible as the Christian religion used to.

We shall have had enough of cynicism, scepticism and humbug, and will want to live more musically.  How will this come about, and what will we discover?  

Instead of seeing absolutely nothing in the future other than the disasters that are bound to strike the modern world and civilization like so many thunderbolts, through revolution or war or the bankruptcy of worm eaten states. 

 Vincent Van Gogh letter to his brother Theo September 24 1888

(being kind to myself

becoming kinder to others

opening that door more and more

seeing what happens when I don't protect myself so much )

signed

judy evelyn grandmom

road trip after qn

 

 We drove east from Athens Ohio towards New York state.

 

 We wanted to see our daughter in the last week of her residency at Women's Studio Workshop.

 

April is curious about materials .
She's exploring ceramics and printmaking
She sets up situations that make use of the wsw's kiln and press,
She allows both tools and materials to do what they each do best

Her artwork arrives.
Her artwork makes us think about how we are just specks in this big world
I took more photos of her work - maybe later I will share them.

 

We made our way north and west back home to Canada by way of country roads.
We noticed the immensity of the USA and the emptiness

Pema Chodron teaches that there are three principal charateristics of human existence
Three facts of life
Stop struggling against them, she says.

The three principal characteristics of human existence are impermanence, ego-lessness and suffering.
The hardest one for me to understand is ego-lessness.  what does that mean?

it's the idea of just being in the world
just being
just going
there isn't really a sun'rise' or a sun'set'.  the sun just keeps going
and although the rainbow seems so vivid and real, in truth it is no thing
it just is

I will stitch my way through this idea of egolessness and my understanding of it

I love stitching.
Stitching and me, we just are.