Tuesday, June 14, 2016

my fear

"Bravery is the power to keep on.
Having courage is not about not having fear,
but keeping on going in company with that fear"  Cheryl Strayed
I can't even imagine it, but it happened to me.  It happened to my left leg.  It broke in two.
"Once I felt at home working with cloth, I could concentrate on everything I had neglegted.
My body.  My losses.  My anger.  My own goodness.
My yearning for tenderness.  My yearning for social contact. " Radka Donnell
"Legs have to do with personal needs and desires.
The left leg is connected to the authentic part of ourself
The left leg is related to how you feel and what you believe
A painful left leg shows that there is something askew with personal needs and desires"
Wendy Golden-Levitt
The break was a diagonal clean break . It was not crushed, rather the bones crossed over each other. The bone was healthy.  No tumors, it was not porus.  A spiral fracture.
"We have art in order not to perish from truth."  Friedrich Nietzsche
The hospital experience was all about my old crumpled heavy smelly body, and my journal helped me through it.  My journal also helped me to find my self-spirit again.
It gave me a place to just lay it out in black and white who I am.  Really truly.
Oona brought Grace and the boys to visit over the weekend and it was lovely.  Everett beat me at checkers, Jack gave me the lipstick he had helped pick out.  It was the same colour as the one I had lost in Chicago.
The nurse brought black coffee and marmalade toast to me at 6 am , a small kindness, so important.
"Poets:  give up your own will and trust beyond measure."  Luce Irigaray

The femur is the biggest and strongest bone in the body.
"Beauty is an awareness in the mind
It is not an object
It is seen through an object"     Agnes Martin

33 comments:

  1. For some reason your news hit me like a brick. My thoughts are swirling as your quotes indicate yours are too. So many ways for the mind to go when we are hurt….. I am sending powerful healing thoughts your way as you recover from this serious injury. It is comforting to know your family is near. ox

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  2. I too am surprised. And sorry. And relieved it wasn't worse. And glad you found the sweetness in it. And so I will pray for speedy healing. Please know you are greatly loved.

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  3. I hope you mend quickly and are not in pain.

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  4. Hoping the leg will knit back together well and strongly soon and you will find the balance again. What a beautiful piece you are making. Sending love and prayers. ~s.

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  5. I wish you well you know.
    Hard times and yet the cloth you fashioned doesn't speak of hard times to me.
    The left leg issue is near and dear to me...that quote...I too have troubles in my left leg-have for decades-so it gave me pause thinking about what that means...also the hospital being about an old crumpled body...who doesn't relate to that? Getting through with a journal, and that too. No conclusions...just corroboration. But it is odd that your femur broke without reason, or was there a reason, a trigger? I better say goodnight. Past midnight here and I'm worn. I will meditate and think of you.

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  6. Oh dear. Sounds like there are some good signs--not porous, a clean break, ability to keep making art, family near. Wishing you ease in your healing and all the help you need.

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  7. Health issues really hijack your life, don't they? I'm glad there are so few complications with your break, but feel sorry that it happened at all. Rest and heal well.

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  8. Oh the things we take for granted and then .......
    I hate the inconvenience ill health.
    I am always grateful that something has led me down the path of developing hand skills for times just like you are suffering.
    I am hoping for a quick recovery for you.

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  9. oh my goodness, what a shock. keep your fingers moving though, my dear!

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  10. Oh my, wishing you a speedy recovery. Love the piece you are working on and your words... inspiring.

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  11. i see your own form of sanity floating. heal well.

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  12. Judy...sending you healing hugs and prayers for a quick and complete recovery.

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  13. Healing is hard work. And important work.
    And your mending is just as important as mending the world.

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  14. Thank you for the good wishes.

    I will tell you how the broken leg happened.
    My left leg had been bothering me for a lengthy period of time, intensifying throughout the month of May until I needed a cane. I sought medical advice, but it was a mystery, as I had no back or joint issues. I just was losing my ability to walk.

    We went to Toronto for the weekend to attend a social engagement on June 4. On June 5 we stopped for lunch and I thought I might be able to manage the stairs up to the washroom in the restaurant as I had been using stairs.

    My leg broke on the second stair - even though I didn't put much weight on it because of the railing and the cane - it still broke. I believe it could have broken at anytime - but waited until I was in a town with an excellent orthopedic surgeon.

    The surgeon put a nail from hip to knee on June 6. I lost 4 units of blood and had to have a transfusion.

    Life is hard sometimes, but worth it.

    Thank you for your love. Love is a verb.
    xo

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  15. Heal quickly! I have severe sciatica in my left leg so I know from what you are speaking. Not fun.

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  16. can't imagine how this feels. i am still
    stunned that it could happen. I think of
    you, through the day.

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  17. So sorry to hear about your broken leg, Judy. What a crazy thing to have happened to you. Here's hoping for an easy time of recovery!

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  18. oh my gosh (((Judy)))

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  19. Yikes, Judy! Heartfelt wishes for a complete recovery, and may you have the support of family and friends along the way. Hugs to you.

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  20. Oh my, this is unpleasant. I wish you good recovery. I fell from the bike but didn't break anything - what luck I had - I wish you all the patience which is necessary and nevertheless happy stitching.

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  21. Je vous souhaite un bon rétablissement et certainement de la patience....

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  22. I wish you the best, Judy.

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  23. Judy, you're in my thoughts as you heal. I wondered if your Toronto mobility issues were related to the break and I am glad that there was an upside to the timing. I see left leg influences creeping into your work in the near future...

    May you be patient with yourself as you heal. xxoo

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  24. Swift healing, peace and courage to you, Judy.

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  25. I am a nurse and know that little things make a difference to the patient. I am so glad that someone is caring for you that knows that. I wish you well. I also know that we are vulnerable all the time and a life can change in a second. Glad to know that you were close to help and good care.
    Best wishes for healing well.. just love that crumpled body, it serves you well.

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  26. Wishing you continued to be surrounding by care, cloth and self.

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  27. Heal quickly..you are an inspiration!

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  28. ah. you have been in my heart from the day it happened. keep healing.

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  29. from the way you were talking..
    the balance issues & pain.

    think that break was happening for a while
    slowly and gently , the crack the final bit
    that had been holding on.
    its like it needed to give so you could finally heal.

    but its a hard way to get an oil change.
    or so grandpa would have said.

    May you heal fast and well as the bone is stitched.
    <3 faun

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  30. Just catching up with your news....do hope you are improving each day & may the joy of your hand stitching help your thru each day.

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  31. Maggie9:40 am

    Sorry to hear your news and sending love for a swift recovery.

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Thank you for taking the time to connect. Much appreciated.xx