Whereas men, apparently, live in a timeless realm.
In the dimension of men, there is no time, just space.
Apparently, during thirty years of a woman's life - fourteen to forty four- everything must be done. She must find a man, make babies, start and accelerate her career, avoid diseases, and collect enough money in a private account so that her husband can't gamble their life's savings away. Thirty years is not enough time to live a whole life.
How could I have been so naive about how time acts in the life of a woman?
How it is the essential realm in which a woman lives.
You women who wish to live in the realm of space, not time -you will see what gifts the universe has waiting.
Will I?
Yes
Just look around
But some women are happy!
But some women are not..
How do I know which I will be?
You cannot know until it's too late.
Sheila Heti - Motherhood
I have to use feeling more.
Yes
In my body?
Yes
In my senses?
Yes
Should I try to sense more things?
No
Should I try to sense what I do sense, more consciously?
Yes
What does that mean? With more discernment?
No
More love?
Yes
Is consciousness love?
No
Does consciousness create love?
Yes
In every case?
Yes
Sheila Heti - Motherhood
Everything feels like tears.
He makes me feel like tears
But without stress on the mind, there is no mind.
Is what I am feeling the hormonal sadness?
Yes
If only there was some good in it. Is there?
Yes
Is the benefit that one stays away from other people?
Yes
And one is also more sensitive.
Both of these things are good for writing.
Will my sadness be gone by tomorrow night?
Yes
Why do couples have so many problems with each other?
Has anyone ever adequately answered this question?
Yes
Was it a woman who did?
Yes
Did a man give a good answer too?
Yes
Was the man's answer basically blaming the woman?
Yes
And did the woman's answer blame the man?
No
She blamed herself?
Yes
Did the man blame the woman for her frailities?
Yes
And did the woman just guiltily condemn herself?
Yes
would things work out better for men and women if women didn't guiltily condemn themselves?
Yes
I'm sorry. Are my frailities to blame?
Yes
Sheila Heti Motherhood
2 comments:
I just completed reading Motherhood by Sheila Heti. Bold and vulnerable, it is written in the first person by a young woman in her late 30's, who is debating whether or not to have a child. This book was short listed for the 2018 Giller prize. I also read Heti's 2013 novel How should A Person Be....and was just as astounded by its truth and wisdom. I will come back to this book again, even though I am no longer a young woman. The arguments Heti places before us are timeless and strong. I wish that these kinds of books were available for me when I was 30. Also the photos of the boys in these photos are of our grandchildren from Alaska. We are in Mexico with them (and their parents) and are having a great time.
Congratulations on your award. We missed you.
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