In a While, Crocodile

Here is another post about writing my book.  

Since 2000, I have been trying to archive my art work and relate it to the timeline of my life.   

In one of my bookshelves is a binder from 2001 that has images of my work beside typed and printed journal entries that match chronologically. 

It is fascinating - to me. 

In 2015, I began the My Process blog in another attempt to put my creative process into context with my lived life.  A photo of what is on the design wall is paired with the most recent entry of my written journal, just to explore how real life and creating art connect.  

It's fascinating - to me.

  

In 2019 I hired an assistant to help me put my archives in order.  Her job ended with the pandemic but I am very grateful for the google-drive lists of work and for the binders of organized pre-internet paperwork. 

It’s the daily practice of decluttering our house that brought me back to this autobiographical project.  Boxes of slides, envelopes of negatives.  What are they if not clutter?  There are now two APPs on my phone that translate slides and negatives into digital format.  (example of a slide below) 

morning kindergarten watercolour by Judy Martin 1985

I am so hung up on this project.   I only get so far before I talk myself out of continuing.   I think to myself: ‘Why would anyone read this?’ and also ‘What if someone reads this? 

What would they think?

Would they be hurt?

Would they be bored?’

Yet, if I had Judy Martin in my art quilting class, I would say to her:  "Why are you thinking about the audience so much?  Do what your own inner self tells you to!  Make your own self yearn to touch that textile.  If you don't want to stare at that art and contemplate it, who else will?  Give yourself permission to be comforted by your own quilt."    

 

And so, I will continue with my book.    

(I do not need to publish it)  

See you later. Alligator.

In a while, Crocodile. 

I heard this poem today

watercolour of a quilt idea

The hour is striking so close above me,

the 9 year old's mermaid 

So clear and sharp, that all my senses ring with it.

the 6 year old's mermaid

 

I feel it now: there's a power in me

April with forsythia from Toronto

to grasp and give shape to my world.

embroidery from Mexico

I know that nothing has ever been real

green quilt by April

without my beholding it.

forsythia in bloom

All becoming has needed me.

My looking ripens things

and they come toward me, to meet and be met.

Rainer Maria Rilke
 

I was here

I really don't know what I want to say about these two new pieces.

It took most of the morning to put them in the shadow-box frames
and then package them up in cardboard to ship.

love meditation: moon and time

One of them is a donation to a fund raising auction for the Thunder Bay art gallery.

The other, a gift.

like all my work, these are personal communications
they are about

who I am
where I live
what I love

they also show how
important time and labour are to me

as both these aesthetics are evident

 watercolour on paper

hand work shows my humanity
the marks are tenuous, wavering,
they demonstrate vulnerability

indigo dye, stitch resist, with hand stitch added 

both these pieces are examples of determination
of will
of a need to complete the task at hand to my best ability

they are both careful work

It  took me a week to
complete this watercolour study of a quilt that I would like to make
some day
Agnes Martin came to mind

 

I keep writing these blog posts about my work.
It seems important to say it.

I was here.

like a child

after anni albers watercolour on paper judy martin

I am painting first thing when I wake up.
I set the kitchen timer for fifteen minutes, and tell myself:  "Just do fifteen minutes".
I am using a desk near the kitchen to make it really convenient.

after anni albers 1 judy martin water colour on paper

Years ago, when I had those four babes, I came across advice to mother artists.
"use part of naptime for the inner self. Begin with fifteen minutes"

so I did

I give this advice out to women now.

use the kitchen timer as a limit and as a permission
begin with fifteen minutes

anni albers note book on left

a few years ago, my husband's christmas gift to me was six kitchen timers, one for each room.

Now I set my timer to one hour.
Then I set it again for a second one.

rainbow by aili, dot circle by grandmom  watercolour on paper

I've been struggling with getting back to painting for years,
but it was painting patterns with my four year old grand daughter last month that helped the most.
She painted rainbows and spirals, I painted waves on horizons and circles and dots
These very simple things were so easy, enjoyable and meditative.

Picasso said  "it took me four years to paint like raphael but a lifetime to paint like a child "

dot grid judy martin oil and cold wax on paper

Also, I am inspired by Matisse's approach to painting.
He put cloth into his compositions to help him work flatter

And a 3rd thing:  Anni Albers notebook.
She worked with half square triangles, page after page of drawings , her designs for weaving

I am not giving up my stitching and quilt making practice.
I still think that the sense of touch is more powerful for reaching the emotions and the inner self than the sense of sight.

I am looking to paint as a faster way to get my ideas out....that's all.
It's been a break through for me  to actually do this.

Last week, I talked about it with our daughter April.

Judy:  I was thinking about Matisse the other day.  He painted cloth (curtains, clothing, tablecloths in his paintings) to remind him to be flat"
April:  His work became so flat
Judy:  And Joyce Wieland, she wanted her work to be round.   I wonder what I want my work to be.
April:  " soft "

life's a beach

Living near the water and sky keeps me in awe of the power and beauty of nature.  Watching the weather seems to put me into a reverie and I find myself pondering life and how fast time goes by.  Manitoulin's famous wildflowers are another source of wonder, and I am learning so much about them as I try to find original ways to paint them. However, my very favourite topic for paintings is my own children.  They are growing up so fast and I love to paint them near the water.  Like all parents I am concerned for their future in a world that is not always so safe or beautiful.

Judith Martin 2002

This winter I have been having more difficulty than usual with blogging.  Three reasons:

1.  I have been making a lot of new work - all in the rough design stage and my mind and heart have been with these new pieces.  Matisse famously said "cut off your tongue" when in the act of making art.,  Perhaps that's why I am at a loss for what to say here.

2.  Every day I've been I doing a little gentle art of swedish death cleaning.  As I go through my stuffed drawers and shelves and toss or give away something every single day, I am finding my past life and am flooded with memories. This explains why some posts are aboout my early work and the importance of motherhood within that work. (For example, the image and statementat the top of this post are from an exhibition I had 15 years ago in the local museum.)

3. I've been working on my left leg.  A yoga class, a swimming class, my phsyio-daily exercises. These things take me away from my work and blog. 

Thank you for continuing to read what I do put up here.  I appreciate your support.

early work

I painted the children being alive in their bodies.

I used primary colours
empty space
sunlight and cast shadow

you can't think everything

mothers almost always mean well

"Don't use up words to get rid of tension....

 That tension should be in your sculpture."

                                                                                                                     Henry Moore

                                                                         

Inspiration

"Vetruska" Marimekko fabric designed by Aino-Maija Metsola 2012

I continue to struggle with the studio(s) here at home that are no replacement for the light filled, high ceiling space in town that I had to move out of last summer.  Although I do have a pin wall in the one upstairs,  it's not even 8 feet high.  Right now this marimekko fabric is pinned up. 

Vetruska is such an interesting and edgy dot grid and so large.  Each repeat of the design is over 6 feet long, 5 feet wide. I find it to be very inspiring but how can I learn from it yet still keep my own voice?

In my second studio (another bedroom) I have been trying to create a drawing/painting place but it's really hard to get in there.  Right now that room is a mess because I used it to sort my old paintings for the exhibit that just went up at the local library. 

 Grow Into Understanding 2007 by  Ali Cavanaugh

But...things happen for reasons.  Here I am having a show of watercolours that feature my children, and by chance I opened the 2008 American Artist Watercolor magazine purchased years ago.   

Falling Through Your Redolence 2008 by Ali Cavanaugh

It was the article about Ali Cavanaugh's work that inspired me to buy that magazine then and it inspires me still. I love her use of emptiness, mystery, fabric pattern and the figure.   She spends a lot of time on preparatory photo shoots with her daughter and nieces as models, dressing them in her collection of vintage clothing. 
"The creative part of my process is capturing the figure in a pose that is emotional"  Ali Cavanaugh

Putting on Perfection 2008 by Ali Cavanaugh

There is information about this artist online here, here and here.
Daughter April is coming home for a week.  Perhaps she won't mind posing for me.

Vetruska, designed by Aino-Maija Metsola, for Marimekko

Fabric or figures?
One of the challenges I often face is that I get too many ideas so easily.  Does that happen to you as well?

family paintings

These paintings brings me personal twinges that I realize are too intimate to be experienced by others.

But if I pretended that I am not me, that I am not the mother of the children depicted in them.
That I am instead an interested, compassionate spectator, what do I see?  How do I feel?
What is being communicated?

Light.
Natural sunlight and the way it falls on a youthful body , the shadows cast.  Often blue.

Time.
A document of years of life.
The lives of our four children from the time they were born until the time they were young adults.
My life.
All of my 30's and 40's are in these paintings.

My creativity blossomed with parenting.

Love.
Unconditional love.
I was astonished by the emotion I felt as a new mom.
I was humbled by the responsibility of parenting.
My eyes teared up when they did things I was proud of.

Wonder.
At their beauty and how quickly they changed from one day to the next.  Like water and sky.

I suppose that 26 is not that many paintings.  They are all we have left of the more than a hundred that I turned out while the kids were growing up.

The paintings were made when the kids were sleeping from photographs I took during the busy day time. 
Watercolour is a patient medium and appreciates it when the artist can wait.
Use minutes to splash colour on.
Wait hours before doing that again.