not sure

(These leaves are called gunnera and I love them)

not so sure about my work
not sure if it is necessary

yes, it gives me reasons
to get up
to dream, but
it will not save the world

when I was a young mom
I took my first fine arts degrere from Lakehead University

I wrote an essay about Kathe Kollwitz
and Henri Matisse

( I thought it was a rhubarb plant when I planted it 25 years ago)


My thesis was that Kollwitz made her work
because she wanted to change the world somehow
She hoped to make a difference

She was against war
and her paintings and prints about human sorrow
about mothers mourning
and women raging
moved me

they moved me a lot

I was irritated at that time
when I was young
by Matisse
who went to the south of France
and said that he wanted to make
art that soothed people

he wanted his work to make them feel
as if they were sitting in an armchair
and could forget about the trouble out there in the world

(it's sometimes called Dinosaur food)


my teacher at the time criticized me
for these ideas
She was right
I based my argument on nothing
but gut reaction

I looked at Kollwitz's work and saw her clear message

I loved Matisse, but didn't know why
and his words
made me

not sure

now that I have matured as an artist
I understand Matisse

My own work
is about finding heart in the inner world
not the outer

but these days
Kollwitz comes to mind

and I'm not sure 

like a child

after anni albers watercolour on paper judy martin

I am painting first thing when I wake up.
I set the kitchen timer for fifteen minutes, and tell myself:  "Just do fifteen minutes".
I am using a desk near the kitchen to make it really convenient.

after anni albers 1 judy martin water colour on paper

Years ago, when I had those four babes, I came across advice to mother artists.
"use part of naptime for the inner self. Begin with fifteen minutes"

so I did

I give this advice out to women now.

use the kitchen timer as a limit and as a permission
begin with fifteen minutes

anni albers note book on left

a few years ago, my husband's christmas gift to me was six kitchen timers, one for each room.

Now I set my timer to one hour.
Then I set it again for a second one.

rainbow by aili, dot circle by grandmom  watercolour on paper

I've been struggling with getting back to painting for years,
but it was painting patterns with my four year old grand daughter last month that helped the most.
She painted rainbows and spirals, I painted waves on horizons and circles and dots
These very simple things were so easy, enjoyable and meditative.

Picasso said  "it took me four years to paint like raphael but a lifetime to paint like a child "

dot grid judy martin oil and cold wax on paper

Also, I am inspired by Matisse's approach to painting.
He put cloth into his compositions to help him work flatter

And a 3rd thing:  Anni Albers notebook.
She worked with half square triangles, page after page of drawings , her designs for weaving

I am not giving up my stitching and quilt making practice.
I still think that the sense of touch is more powerful for reaching the emotions and the inner self than the sense of sight.

I am looking to paint as a faster way to get my ideas out....that's all.
It's been a break through for me  to actually do this.

Last week, I talked about it with our daughter April.

Judy:  I was thinking about Matisse the other day.  He painted cloth (curtains, clothing, tablecloths in his paintings) to remind him to be flat"
April:  His work became so flat
Judy:  And Joyce Wieland, she wanted her work to be round.   I wonder what I want my work to be.
April:  " soft "

like a bird in the darkness

henri matisse goache on paper, cut and pasted on paper 1946  Oceanie, le ciel

Oceanie, le ciel 1946 by Henri Matisse detail  with glass reflection

Henri Matisse continued with his quest for innovation into old age and made monumental cut-outs while bed-ridden
detail of Oceanie le ciel 1946 cut and pasted paper

Oceanie, le ciel 1946  Henri Matisse  goache on paper cut and pasted on paper, 169cm x 395cm each section
 collection of the musee departmental Matisse, Le cateau Cambresis.
Matisse made this design into a screen print on linen in 1948

included in The Oasis of Matisse exhibition, Stedelijk museum Amsterdam until Agust 16 2015

our life is such a little thing,

 like a bird in the darkness 

 finding its way into a banquet hall

 and flying through it

and looking at all the banqueters 

and then flying out the other side

the venerable bede  7th century