Wednesday, January 20, 2016

reflecting again

In 2005, I made several stitched collages using leaves, photographs, an embroidery that I cut up, paint,  book binding cloth and thread.  2016 is a year of reflection for me and I hope you don't mind me using this blog as a place to keep things together.  (It's also a year of making...but that's another post)  Occasionally I'll share some journal text.  For example, here is a journal entry from June 2005 about these collages and self doubt.
Friday June 24  4:20 am
Finally I get up from the horizontal and face the demon.  It’s really really difficult to keep going against the self doubt – the who do I think I am-ness, that is heavy all around me.  One of my collages with leaves was accepted into a Toronto juried exhibition.  It’s at the Propeller gallery on Queen St W.  It cost $35.00 entry fee for them to look at my 3 slides.  It cost $100 to frame it.  It’s going to cost $100 to ship it after all is said and done.  Ned has been great.  We drove together to pick it and its two pals up from the framer and he’s found me a huge shipping box.  He tells me that it would cost more for us to drive it down (though in my mind, it would be less pretentious to appear carrying it in a leather portfolio rather than this cardboard box arriving from afar. However, at least by shipping it, I can delay the artists and curator actually seeing me in all my gray headed heaviness.  I wish I could take more comfort in that small blessing.
I still have to write the artist statement and label the piece.  I spent 2-3 hours last night on the computer shortening my resume to one page.  Why  torture myself this way?
And here is one from July 2005.  In celebration of Canada Day (July 1) the exhibition had been placed into several different locales around Toronto and Ned and I found the restaurant where my piece was installed.
July 10
The owner of 93 Harbord where my Slow and Diffident Words collage was on show for ten days told me that my piece was his favourite in the show.
 To see more from this series, click here.

10 comments:

Susan said...

Difficult and comforting all at once to read this, Judy. "the who do I think I am-ness" talks me out of quite a lot.
Thanks for all you share here.

Karen said...

Judy, thank you for sharing this. I can relate to the financial and emotional costs of putting our work out into the world. xxoo

Threadpainter said...

I appreciate, so much, that you are sharing these journal excerpts with us ... we live with the same issues, don't we ?

Vicky aka Stichr said...

thank goodness for ned, we need more ned's. and thank you for sharing with us.!!

Caterina Giglio said...

Thank you for being brave enough to share with us, we all deal with the same issues and the insidious self doubt. The cost to being an artist is not simply monetary... xo

debby said...

Thank you so much for sharing. Does the phrase "misery loves company" apply here?

india flint said...

ah yes. the initial excitement and anticipation of having a show....then the installation where any sense of self or confidence flees (to be coaxed back a little by the first sip of champagne at the vernissage). part of the swings and roundabouts, i guess. i met someone in Latvia years ago, a wonderful and amazing artist who told me that after each exhibition opening she would go to bed and cry for seven days. my inner accountant tells me that exhibitions are an expensive indulgence, my inner thespian says "be brave" and step into the light. i'm walking the tightrope between the two...

jude said...

Thank you for sharing this. You know ow confused I am about showing. How I struggle with that.

Penny Berens said...

I understand. I use the same self talk all the time.

Heather said...

Oh I can relate! Looking back from where you are now, does it seem like it was worth it? One thing leads to another. Have you read Anne Truitt's "Daybook"? I'm reading it right now, her comments on exhibiting (in big New York shows) are much like yours.