Friday, October 11, 2013

seeking rhythm

Him moving to the local long term care facility.  Constant wondering on my part. 
I am taken up completely.  Talking about my father, talking with my father, paying attention to things that he does not complain about but that I observe, talking to the nurses about his care - feeling helpless.
He's in a shared room while we wait for a private one and there is no place to sit really, and besides it seems as if there is always something happening.  I don't have a rhythm yet.  I don't feel the love in it - from him - I don't feel good about things when I visit him.  I'm always on the alert.
He lives in a new reality,  more about how his life used to be.  Three years ago.  30 years ago.  80 years ago.  I read that this is normal, but it's new and scary for me.  Not so much for him.
Two of our kids and their partners are coming home for Thanksgiving and we will have Grampa here for the afternoon, for dinner etc.  I hope that this will be a positive experience for everyone.

These images are of the marks I've been making on linen over the week.
I don't know what they are about, or where they are going, but they are. 

18 comments:

Dolores said...

It takes time. Going out on outings help.

Velma Bolyard said...

reaching out. i wish the u.s. thanksgiving was now. it would make very good sense.

Valerianna said...

Sounds challenging... intense... blessings to you.

Margaret said...

I have similar memories of my mother's last year. I never knew my father; he died 7 months before I was born. I wish you blessings for Thanksgiving, and am thankful your father will be able to join you and your family, even if it may be the last time. It is ever easy, but he will be in God's hands and is always close to God's heart.

ArtPropelled said...

My stomach churns remembering my mom going through this. A very unsettling time. I hope a private room comes up soon.Thinking of you.

Judy Martin said...

Thank you.

I wrote about this today, because it didn't seem fair not to mention it.

I won't be writing about it much - but it is what is happening. Just wanted you to know and to feel your support.

Thank you.

wholly jeanne said...

You will connect the dots . . . eventually.

Ms. said...

I did not have to face such a difficult transition with either of my own parents, but I've witnessed many friends who did. My thoughts are with you, and prayers.

Penny said...

I am not sure you ever come to terms with it, I had the same with my mother, when I could I took her out (but I lived 1 1/2 hours away) coffee was good and the occasional lunch, but as time went on that wasnt possible but she did have a single room, Sorry but it was much worse when she had to move to high care. Feeling for you.

Mo Crow said...

the stitching will help see you through (((Judy)))

jude said...

i have been right there. this is very hard. i started blogging and really stitching right about then.

Dorothea Belanger said...

Wishing you peace at this time Judy, as you continue to give everything you've got.

mansuetude said...

It took my grandmother "a bit"

time to adjust--holding on to identity, self, known life. Eventually her magnanimous heart started sparking with some of the others... love. It is the love between you and he (and your mother, etc) that makes your heart feel "I am taken up completely."

Love that you honor this. The authenticity. No matter what happens reside in the Love.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Montse Llamas said...

Have a happy Thanksgiving, Judy!
Love.

Jeannie said...

I was where you are now all last winter and spring. You feel helpless and yet want to be helpful. Frustration was always with me. It was little things that helped Dad. A cushy pillow for the arm that wouldn't work, a book of birds to look at and discuss. Just little things that connected us. Sending you thoughts of courage and hugs. Have a beautiful Thanksgiving with those you love.

Grace Martin said...

Sending you so much love and positivity, Mom, and wishing so much we could be there. Happy Thanksgiving. xoxo

Diana Angus said...

Of utmost importance.

Lesley Turner said...

my thoughts are with you as you support your father - my siblings and i are going through the same process with our parents at this time, also - i don't think it can ever be easy for anyone